Recent news reports are coming in that translators, who were once happy friendly people, have turned into multi-lingual blood thirsty zombie ghouls from beyond the grave.
STAY ALERT!
They may look like your family members or friends or loved ones or trusted translators, but they are not!
Do not approach them!
Reports show that they have an extreme taste for the brain’s Neocortex (the part of the brain that handles speech and language functions).
Why specifically this area? Perhaps it is some sort of primordial function creeping through their zombified state, or perhaps a learned memory from when they were alive. Either way, they cannot be reasoned with.
We still have not discovered the reason or cause for this outbreak. Police investigators have turned to scientists to help explain the terrifying phenomena that is gripping this planet.
One scientist, Dr. Ackuna, believes he knows the answer.
(German accent transcribed) “I believe zee cause for zee transformation of translators is zee result of trying to verk for too much money, vhile delivering inferior translations. Similar to spontaneous human combustion, zeese translators spontaneously transformed into blood-thirsty zombies.”
There is still no known cure, but Translation Cloud has seemed to help keep some zombie translators pacified. Yet, there is still a long way to go before we can expect civilized communication with them. According to one worker at Translation Cloud, “We’ve laid the groundwork for dialogue, but let’s just say right now they just want to ‘chew our ears off’. Pun intended.”
Really? We’re doing that?
“Yeah, sorry. I thought of that this morning. Had to say it.”
While it is not all translators that are turning into zombies, it is still too dangerous to try to differentiate the good ones from the bad ones. Until a permanent cure is discovered, please lock your doors and board your windows.
*UPDATE*
We just received word that one worker at a translation company had an encounter with a zombie translator. He called into our news station with the details of the horrific event. Below is the transcript from the worker’s description of the incident:
“The zombie translator just came up to me…*inaudible*…scared in my life.”
“I had a project for him. One page translation, Spanish to English. It seemed easy enough to me. Should only take 30 minutes tops. I offered him a reasonable price. Immediately his eyes glazed over and he turned into this ravenous and frenzied form. He lunged at me…growled, ‘Higher rate-per-word!!!!’ and tried to eat my brain.”
“Ahhhhh!!!!”
The message cut off at that point.